


Odi Et Amo

by xSilentHarmony



Category: Glee
Genre: Also vague mention of Klaine, And Blaine/Thad, Blaine Anderson is mentioned but only like a line or two, Extremely Dark, Incubus!Kurt, M/M, and Sebastian/OMCs
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-01
Updated: 2014-03-01
Packaged: 2018-01-14 04:24:02
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1252705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xSilentHarmony/pseuds/xSilentHarmony
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <br/>
    <i>Obsession;</i>
    <br/>
    <i>an idea or thought that continually preoccupies or intrudes on a person's mind.</i>
    <br/>
  </p>
</div>Sebastian Smythe is in love. And he's dying because of it.
            </blockquote>





	Odi Et Amo

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dannyseguel](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannyseguel/gifts).



> Dedicated to Danny who wanted Incubus!Kurt. This is what happens when I listen to one too many Demon!Stiles mixes on 8tracks and think about Incubus!Kurt.
> 
> Also, because honestly he should just be in every story I write somehow, I visualize Max as Aneurin Barnard. You're welcome.

_“Odi et amo. quare id faciam, fortasse requiris?_

_nescio, sed fieri sentio et excrucior.” – “Catullus 85” by Catullus_

* * *

 

Sebastian hates him. He hates him so much that his heart clenches against his chest every time he sees his perfect skin with the perfect glow about him and his perfectly irregular eyes with his odd elfish features. His stomach clenches at the sight of him with others—he’s sure he’d barf if it were possible.

And yet, when Kurt stumbles into his dorm room with that hungry look overtaking his features, making him paler than normal, Sebastian knows he’s lost. His heart springs back into action, and his entire body is willing to do whatever Kurt bids. He should follow his head, he knows, but his heart seems to thrive only for Kurt.

When he lets Kurt thrust into him and siphon his energy from him like a wound bleeding, Sebastian knows he’s given his heart to Kurt.

Maybe he truly is messed up. Afterwards, as Kurt leaves to return to the life of being the perfect Dalton boy with the perfect Dalton boyfriend (who doesn’t even know who Kurt really is), Sebastian laments on he would be the one to give his heart to a boy who not only would kill him during sex, but also never truly be his.

  


“I hate you,” one time Sebastian says as Kurt gathers up his uniform and slips back into it. It’s the first time Kurt’s taken this much, and Sebastian’s sure that any more and he would’ve died. “I thought when this all began…”

“What?” Kurt asks. He straightens the uniform and goes about fixing his hair. He purses his lips when a hair won’t stay right and rolls his eyes at it. He then turns to the uniform and fixes it just right with the hippo brooch set in the same spot as before. He spares Sebastian no glance. “That one of my kind would fall in love with a human?”

“You’re in love with Blaine,” Sebastian says.

“Blaine fucks Thad while he thinks I don’t notice. I’m not an expert on human emotions, but I’m pretty sure you are faithful to the one you love.” Kurt turns, and Sebastian thinks he catches a glimpse of hurt in his eyes before he steels himself and voids all emotion yet again.

“So, I’m in the same boat,” Sebastian says. “I love you, and yet you use me for food while you fuck Blaine for your own pleasure.”

“Don’t insinuate—”

“I’ll insinuate all I want!” Sebastian pushes himself up, staggers a little, and rights himself. “I am so messed up to freely give myself to you. I let you feed off of my energy. Who knows when you’ll really kill me? All I know is that I would happily welcome death if it meant you were okay.” Sebastian chokes back more words as he collapses back onto the bed. “Oh, my god.”

“I have lived too long to deal with this,” Kurt murmurs. “I’ll see you later.”

  


The next time Kurt shows up, Sebastian goes through the motions, moaning at the right times that Kurt expects and the like, as Kurt takes what he wants. Sebastian hates himself for still wanting him.

“Why me?” Sebastian asks afterward.

“Maybe it’s my form of revenge for all the boys’ hearts you broke. Like François,” Kurt says. His eyes flash the color that proves what he really is. Sebastian had almost forgotten François and Brigitte, his best friends in Paris. One night while he still lived in Paris, Sebastian had gotten a fabulous dream that had left him breathless and wanting more. He kept returning to that same dream until he became so sick that he could barely move from his bed. After Sebastian had really gotten sick, Maman forced him to America to heal. If only she knew that she was sending him straight into the arms of the one weakening him so.

“You truly are the devil,” Sebastian says. “I want to hate you so much and yet I still want you. Am I really this messed up?”

“You tell me,” Kurt replies. He sighs and turns towards the door. His hand grasps the doorknob and begins turning it. “I’ve got a date with Blaine.”

Kurt leaves and Sebastian vows then and there that it’ll end this time. No more will he allow himself to be used this way. He will find someone else. Someone who really likes him.

  


Sebastian’s dating a boy named Max. He’s quiet, and most people think he’s crazy, but he’s kind. With his floppy dark locks and green eyes, Sebastian’s sure that maybe he can push the thoughts of Kurt away.

One night, they’re walking back to the dorms when Sebastian runs into Kurt.

“Sebastian,” Kurt says. Sebastian’s almost sure he can hear a mixture of shock, awe, and a tiny bit of hurt from his voice. He quickly dismisses it as a slight of not being around him enough. “And who’s this?”

“Max Irving. Nice to meet you,” Max says as he gazes up at Kurt from his feet. He offers a hand after a moment of silence. Sebastian quickly grabs it away before Kurt can pull any mojo against him.

“Right,” Kurt replies. He looks over Max before staring again at Sebastian. As he walks away, Sebastian’s sure he hears, “Way to date another creature,” but he pushes it aside.

  
  


It turns out Sebastian had heard right. “What do you mean?”

Max shuffles. “I mean I’m not exactly human. My father is a god of the seas.”

“Like Poseidon?”

“Something like that,” Max says. He shuffles more. He keeps his head down, his eyes peering intensely at the floorboards. Max’s hands clasp in front of him, and he constantly fiddles his thumbs.

“Why the hell are you telling me this?” Sebastian asks. The pit of his stomach drops. His hands have gone numb and prickly. A cloud descends upon him and he can’t focus on much right now. He falls deeper into a pit of self-hate. Why couldn’t he attract human lovers?

“I saw the way Kurt looked at you. I know what he is and I know what you two did. I thought if I told this to you that you’d wonder how I knew.”

“No,” Sebastian replies. “I’d think you were overly perceptive and leave it at that. Why the hell—”

“I really like you,” he says finally. “And I think we should be comfortable enough to speak with one another.” Sebastian’s heart thuds and he looks away. He clenches his eyes shut, his hands clasped into fists at his side. He knows he should’ve been more open with Max. He just couldn’t find himself ever admitting much about things like how he got to Dalton or even what favorite foods are.

Sebastian leaves Max in his room instead of answering. He fears Kurt will find him that night while he sleeps fitfully in Jeff’s room, but he doesn’t know why.

The next morning when he sees Max, he avoids him like a sea monster.

  


“That was a terrible way to hurt poor Max,” Kurt says as he thrusts into Sebastian. Sebastian groans and tightens his legs around Kurt. This time he’s very much aware of their arrangement. They fuck. Kurt leaves. Kurt loves on Blaine. Sebastian fucks his way through their grade. They fuck once more.

“And yet,” Sebastian groans as Kurt hits his prostate, “you’re very proud.”

“Of course,” Kurt says. He smirks and continues thrusting.

When Sebastian finishes, he vaguely thinks of the fact that he did hurt Max in the same way he’s let Kurt hurt him and pains spread in his chest. He pulls himself into a tiny ball (as much as he can with his lanky legs that run on for miles) and keeps his eyes shut for fear that he’ll let tears escape otherwise.

  


Sebastian apologizes to Max and learns that Max had met another like him while he’d been off fucking the entire student body. They’re happy together, it seems.

Sebastian’s so happy for them that he grabs Kurt from Blaine and lets him take him in the janitor’s closet while he inwardly cries at how messed up he is.

  


He’s so weak he can’t move. Kurt’s taken too much. He wishes he could yell at Kurt as he gathers his clothes and leaves, but even that takes too much strength. Kurt doesn’t even glance back at Sebastian by the time he finishes getting dressed and he says no goodbye as he leaves Sebastian’s dorm.

Sebastian lies there for a day before Max finds his way in and helps him eat. At one point, Sebastian feels a sudden boost (it feels much like whenever Kurt would siphon his own energy, except it’s more like inhaling a drink after a long day). He glances at Max for a moment before deciding the food had rejuvenated him.

“Why are you doing this?” Sebastian asks after he finishes eating..

“Because I know what you’re doing and as much as it pains me, I know you love him. I just wish you’d see how much energy he’s drained from you. Your once bright blue aura is tainted now to an almost black. It’s like you’re dying.”

“I am dying,” Sebastian says. “And I can’t seem to get enough.”

“You have to stop this,” Max says. He looks up at Sebastian. His eyes shine bright with tears. “Not for anyone else but you. He will kill you and it will not be pleasant. You’ve let him take too much as it is.”

“If this is the only way to have him then maybe I deserve it,” Sebastian says. He wonders where that came from. Just months ago he’d said he didn’t want anymore of this and now here he is saying he’d happily die for him, and it seems he means it this time.

He is so messed up.

“He’s gotten you this brainwashed?” Max sighs. His hand wanders to Sebastian’s shoulder. He moves as if to pull Sebastian into a hug before he changes and grasps Sebastian’s face in his hands. In a way, it reminds Sebastian of what his Maman would do whenever she was trying to instill a lesson when he was a child. “You are so lost, my friend.”

“And I can’t seem to be found,” Sebastian says.

  


The next time Kurt tries, Max interrupts and yells at him. Sebastian wants to tell Max to go away, but he can’t find the words from shock. Max had, after all, barged into the room right after Kurt had and began shouting at him. Max sends Kurt back to his room and tells Sebastian that the room advisor is having him moved into the room.

Apparently Sebastian has lived long enough without a roommate.

  


Kurt and Sebastian eventually find ways around Max’s supervision by sneaking into the Warbler practice rooms (Sebastian laughs whenever he sees someone sitting on one of the couches) and the janitors’ closets.

It depletes Sebastian so much that he has to be rushed to the hospital one day.

Max visits once with his boyfriend. His boyfriend offers to help him regain strength with some of his own. Sebastian doesn’t understand, but allows it nonetheless. It reminds him of the time Max had saved him, and he falls into sleep with a slight smile on his face. What had he done to deserve a friend like Max?

  


Sebastian quickly learns that he should’ve said no when he returns to class and Kurt stalks him during study hall. First he sits down next to Sebastian, then he begins running a hand up Sebastian’s thigh. Sebastian loses all sense when Kurt leans in close, runs his tongue along the rim of Sebastian’s earlobe, and whispers hotly, “Let’s go to the closet.”

Sebastian practically skips down the hallway until they make it into the closet.

As Kurt kisses down his neck and pulls down their pants, Sebastian finds enough sense to push Kurt away.

“What?” Kurt asks.

“No.” Sebastian replies. “This isn’t even my strength. You’ve killed me enough to take my strength. You’re not taking someone else’s.”

Kurt frowns. Sebastian watches a multitude of emotions ranging from despise to admiration to lust filter across Kurt’s face. He watches Kurt’s eyes flutter as he stares up at Sebastian and smiles like a serpent ready to strike. “But I missed you,” he says against Sebastian’s lips. “I realized just how much I missed you. That’s why I’m willing to let you take me.”

“Re—really?” Sebastian feels lust clouding his logic. His hands grasp Kurt’s hips and pull him close. “You’d let me?”

“Of course,” Kurt says. He grinds himself against Sebastian and groans. “Take me.”

Sebastian makes quick to ready Kurt while he finds the lube they’d stashed in the closet. It’s quick, messy, and not romantic at all by the time Sebastian has Kurt pressed against the wall. He pushes his way in after lubing both of them well and groans loudly.

He’d waited so long for this, and while the logic side of his brain screams to stop, that he’ll die, Sebastian knows that this is the only way he’d be willing to go.

They move in sync together. Kurt’s head lulling against his shoulder as he moans to go faster, harder, more, more, more, and Sebastian following Kurt’s every demand. He can feel himself slowly dying as Kurt pulls more and more of his livelihood from him, but Sebastian doesn’t care. He has the boy he’d fallen in love with in his arms, and they’re connected in ways that Sebastian had dreamt about for so long that he wishes to weep for joy.

When Sebastian comes, he knows he’s screwed himself royally when black overcomes him and he can no longer feel anything physical.

  


At the wake for Sebastian Smythe’s funeral, Max approaches Kurt with two men flanking his side.

The two men move to surround Kurt as Max stands before him. With his arms at his side, Max glares at Kurt and says in an authoritative tone,“Kurt Hummel, you have broken the Code of Creatures with the death of Sebastian Smythe. You are charged with his murder and must adhere to a trial headed by the gods of the faiths. May they have mercy upon you.”

The men grasp Kurt and begin to pull him towards the door. Kurt jerks in an attempt to break free from the men’s hold on him. He glares at Max. “You just wish I hadn’t taken him from you.”

“On the contrary,” Max says. A tear falls down his cheek, but he ignores it and steels himself against the incubus. “I only wish they would have charged you sooner so that he could have been saved. Sebastian was a good boy. He deserved a life. One far away from you and I as possible.”

* * *

 

_“I love and I hate. Why do I? You may well ask._

_I don't know. But I feel and it tortures me.”_ _– “Catullus 85” by Catullus_


End file.
